Guest Post and Photos by Else “Evil E” Duff
I can walk pretty quickly down to Hollywood Blvd, yet I rarely catch the Walk of Fame star presentation ceremonies. For one, it’s almost always impossible to see. But it’s really because when I saw Mark Hamill get his star and he said, “May the force be with you,” I swear on Peter Cushing’s grave that a nerd next to me just fainted dead away, so kinda hard to beat that. (I checked on him, he was fine.) Anyway, I was out of my knee pills and Kelly Clarkson was getting her star near Walgreens on Hollywood Blvd, which also seemed like the perfect excuse to hang out with Kasey Bomber.
Bomber and I meet on Hollywood Blvd between Walgreens and the Ovation Theater which they may still refer to as the Dolby Theater but certainly no longer Kodak. Whatever. I’m not exactly on the press list for the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce and was kinda just going off what I saw on the Hollywood Walk of Fame Intsa, That’s also where someone commented that the ceremony was the same time as the broadcast of the Queen’s funeral and inquired if the event would go on. No official response was granted but I responded with: “dude, priorities!”
Bomber has positioned herself standing up kinda on a ledge where maybe a window was while I took my place near her which lead to me advancing my position. The ceremony was happening outside the theater where the first “American Idol” finale took place and where that Walgreens used to be an EXPRESS. I watched the first season of “American Idol” because it was nice seeing Paula Abdul working and I quickly got into Simon. Hollywood is full of people ready to blow smoke up your ass and take your money, Simon was there to give you the truth and it was some valuable advice. I voted for Kelly Clarkson and was thrilled when she won. So I kinda figured, well that’s done. We have elected our American Idol and can now go back to our lives as she goes forth to make killer music for us. But I think that damn thing is still airing. Is it? I dunno, I’m not really on the American Idol media list. Whatever.
So we’re on the backside but it was the closest you could get. I learned some basic tricks during my brief time working for the great personal publicist Dick Guttman that I have used for decades while working red carpets during charity events. So I just started screaming out like Photojournalists have done for decades. “Hey Kelly, turn around for your fans back here!” Ya know, stuff like that. I probably would have had better luck but I was by some autograph hounds and we all know they are not fans and they’re just getting autographs for profit, so most people avoid them.
As the ceremony started I was kinda fascinated by a guy sitting in the VIP area that looked like Eric Roberts. And that seemed possible. I mean he pops up in Lifetime and LMN movies constantly so why not pop up there. After a bit of an awkward presentation by the President of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, they finally got to the guest presenters. Some guy talked, I don’t know his name because it was screwed up in that awkward presentation. Then Simon Cowell came up and said super nice things because he knows Kelly Clarkson saved his ass and that show from flopping hard. He is no idiot. And obviously he knew who was his Queen and he was by her side. Paula Abdul showed up late and took the mic and also said sweet things because she also knew Kelly made that show. I remained fascinated with fake Eric Roberts. I mean it could have been him. They did introduce some people who were in the crowd and since they had already screwed up a presenter’s name it seemed possible.
After the ceremony I managed to get Paula to our side but was Abdul-Blocked by security who decided to put his arm in a way to stop her getting even close to me. WTF? And I was by the area with fans in wheelchairs so a little love over here for at least them, please? For Simon I just started screaming “Picture for L.A. Beat?” Not even knowing if I was supposed to write about this but security must have been impressed because he moved and Simon obliged and I proceeded to take the worst selfie – EVER! But hey, I have no pride. It was pretty clear that at least Kelly’s kids were ready to ramble. So Bomber and I headed into the now less racist Hollywood / Highland Complex for A/C and lunch. Afterwards I walked out to get a pic of the actual star. Okay mainly I was going to Walgreens to get those knee pills but I also took a bad pic of the star. And then I said fuck it and got my own star! Why? Because: “Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?” Well my dream would have been a selfie with Paula Abdul or at least my knee pills on sale for 2 for 1 would have been nice. But as you know, “Some dreams come true, some don’t; but keep on dreamin’ – this is Hollywood” and if you keep on going those knee pills just might be on sale at the CVS down the street.
Happy Kelly Clarkson Day, Y’all!