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“Crocodile” (1979, Synapse Films) Atomic testing causes a saltwater crocodile to grow to colossal size and lay waste to coastal Thailand, prompting overworked doctors Nard Poowani and Chan-il Sin – both of whom lose their respective spouses to the monster – to team with tough guy hunter Manop Aussawathep to destroy it. Like its titular croc, this Asian horror title mutated repeatedly before assuming the form seen on Synapse’s Blu-ray. Notorious Thai producer Sompote Sands took a 1977 Korean film, “Crocodile Fangs,” and added his own signature inept effects (most notably, a huge, stiff croc puppet) while also assuming the mantle of director; American exploitation producers Dick Randall (“Pieces) and Herman Cohen (“I Was a Teenage Werewolf”) added additional scenes and their own unpleasant touches, including footage of real animal slaughter, before unleashing “Crocodile” on unsuspecting international audiences in 1979. This Legion of Doom approach resulted in a dizzying patchwork of mismatched special effects (the croc is both average-sized and Godzilla-scaled in the same scene), astonishing bad taste (employing real-life disabled actors to play mutilated victims), and a meandering story loosely styled after (what else?) “Jaws.” As such, “Crocodile” is a sumptuous banquet for badfilm devotees, and Synapse presents it with five-star service: restored image from the original 35mm English-language print, commentary by the late Lee Gambin (who details the various iterations), an interview with Korean director Won-se Lee, who directed “Crocodile Fangs,” and footage from alternate versions, including different title sequences and the aforementioned animal ugliness.
“Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein” * (1972, Severin Films) Dr. Frankenstein (a dissipated Dennis Price) revives both Count Dracula (Howard Vernon)) and his Monster (Fernando Bilbao) to form a vaguely defined creature army, but his plans are put paid by the one-two punch of vampire hunter Jonathan Harker (Alberto Dalbes) and a left-field Wolf Man (Brandy, and no,, not the singer). Prolific Spanish exploitation filmmaker (and occasional utility player for Orson Welles) Jess Franco unspools another oneiric exercise with the Universal Monsters; the result here is the usual mix of low-budget camera tricks (endless camera zooms), hazy meditations on Gothic horror atmosphere, and the occasional dust-up between his monsters, albeit without the softcore reveries that frequently dot his ’70s efforts. A sound/visionbath of sorts for patient Eurocult followers (Franco’s pace could be charitably described as languid), “DPoF” arrives on Severin’s Blu-rayi in a 4K scan from various intational sources, as well as observations on the film’s woozy aesthetics by Franco biographic Stephen Thrower, a segment on the film’s locations from a multi-part documentary, alternate Spanish-language titles, and a deleted scene.
“The Crippled Masters” * (1979, Film Masters) Hunchbacked, scar-faced bad guy Chen Mua Chuan’s reign of terror in a small Chinese province includes punishments meted out to various locals for various discretions, though nothing seems to equal the abuse heaped on Frankie Shum and Jackie Conn, who lose their arms and legs, respectively, to Chuan’s oddly misshapen goons. But an elderly master (who appears to live in a basket) teaches them to rechannel their anguish into martial arts training, which the pair use to get revenge. This Taiwanese action oddity earned its small place in film history for employing two leads with real=life disabilities (Shum has thalidomide syndrome) who also possess fairly impressive martial arts talents; their fight setpieces grant them a level of dignity that appears to evade them for the rest of the film (though other feature efforts with Conn and Shum, like “Fighting Life,” focus on an endless cycle of self0pity and abuse). The feature is both needlessly overplotted and confusingly detailed, and seems oddly obsessed with unusual physical issues (two of Chuan’s henchmen have a huge head and an ashen face, for some reason), which adds an extra level of carnival-grade voyeurism to the proceedings. Film Masters’ English-dubbed Special Edition Blu-ray grants “Crippled Masters” a degree of respectability that eludes the film itself: commentary by Will Sloan and Justin Decloux thoughtfully discuss the feature’s production and its more exploitative elements, while genre expert Chris Poggiali looks at the rise of kung fu films in America and the two stars’ unlikely movie careers. A raw (read: pre-restoration) scan of the film is also included, as well as restoration demos, a new trailer, and a brace of outrageous martial arts previews from the Something Weird Video library.
“The Coffee Table” * (2022, Cinephobia/Kino Lorber) A garish and allegedly unbreakable coffee table is the spark that ignites the primary conflict behind one of the most horrible movie premises in recent memory, courtesy of Spanish filmmaker and anxiety specialist Caye Cases. To reveal the hideous core action in “The Coffee Table” is to damper down the flames it sends rippling through the film and its characters, including schlubby husband Jesus (David Pareja) and wife Maria (Estefania de los Santos) – whose new baby is the kindling, so to speak, for the film’s headlong trajectory into nightmare – but Jesus’s brother (Josep Maria Riera) and his new (and pregnant) girlfriend (Claudia Riera). The film’s biggest secondary shock is that it’s also very funny, though the humor is the darkest shade possible; suffice it to say that Cases is capable of generating laughs, though these have less to do with the film’s ghastly centerpiece (which is never seen by the audience) than with the four characters’ desperate, completely foolish, but ultimately understandable attempts to contend with it. When the two tracks run together, the resulting wallop is brutal and unforgettable; English-language subtitles are the sole extra on the DVD.
