We’re on the Highway to Health: Stretch Armstrong

As you can see by the photos published on the Beat of food extravaganzas, tacos and late-night rock concerts, we don’t always have the healthiest habits. But having a Health Editor and a Beauty Editor in your life can inspire you to make some changes.

A lot of people claim to hate exercise. What they really hate is the ritual of getting dressed and going to the gym. Or they hate the sport they are doing and need to try something else. This is something I totally understand with, say, jogging.

There are lots of times to stretch and lots of easy stretches to do. You can do them while waiting in line at the grocery store if they aren’t really weird ones. You can do them in your office chair, you can do them watching TV, you can do them with a box. you can do them with a fox.

I don’t agree with sneaking in cardio when they suggest you park farther or always use the stairs. It puts lone women in dangerous situation. Only do this in pairs. Another safety tip is to only stretch until you feel a slight stretch. It is not supposed to hurt. Go slow and gentle. These are little stretches to fit into your normal workday. You are normally supposed to warm up first, so go easy.

If you want to do a whole stretching regimen, check out a yoga class, or pick up any stretching DVD. See the graph above? The standing ones are all good to do when you are standing around. Except for that runner’s quad  stretch. It’s show-offy, like are you off to take down a gazelle? The lying down ones are great for watching TV.

The stretch above is great for watching TV. But if you are as old as the lady in the picture, please make sure someone else is home when you do them.


The trapezius stretch above is great with a combo of rotating your head in slow circles, then touching your chin to your chest and back up. Tily your head towards each shoulder and back to the center. Do not tilt your head backwards. It is bad for you and only tempts serial killers.

I’m going to describe my favorite stretch. It is called a tendu and is used in ballet. I am not an exercise guru, so I apologize if my descriptions are weird, but this is the best ankle stretch:

When you have to wait standing and no one is watching:

Balance yourself on a wall with one hand, arm outstretched, wile perpendicular to the wall. Slowly lift your leg in front of you. Point and flex your toes 8 times. Move your leg to the side and do the same, slide your leg straight behind you and flex and point, while keeping your body erect like a ballerina. Switch sides.

When people are around:

Lift your foot up very subtly in font of you a few inches off the floor. Flex and point. Stand on your tippy toes then relax and repeat.

Watching TV:

Lift a leg at the knee a few inches up and flex your foot and point your toes. Then rotate at the ankle. Repeat with other foot until you get bored.

Elise Thompson

About Elise Thompson

Born and raised in the great city of Los Angeles, this food, culture and music-loving punk rock angeleno wants to turn you on to all that is funky, delicious and weird in the city. While Elise holds down the fort, her adventurous alter ego Kiki Maraschino is known to roam the country in search of catfish.
This entry was posted in Health and Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to We’re on the Highway to Health: Stretch Armstrong

  1. Donna Lethal Donna Lethal says:

    Ha! I thought that said “queer thighs.”

Leave a Reply