Photo from @storchlabs instagram page, used by permission.
The marijuana & marijuana concentrate company Storch Labs is the brainchild of legendary hip-hop producer Scott Storch. When I first saw this product, it took a minute, but then oh yeah – this is the guy who had one of the most incredible runs of hits of all time in the early 2000s with the likes of Beyonce, Li’l Kim, 50 Cent and Eminem and then lost tens of millions of dollars to serious drug abuse. Today, he’s back to work in the studio, off the heavy dope and running his own weed business. Not everybody gets a second act like that, and he has my respect.
I’ve been enjoying listening to his music the last couple days while getting into his marijuana concentrates. I’m a fan of both. In fact, while I have to still claim Kool Keith as my favorite Hip Hop Artist of all time, I’m ready to give Storch the crown for Best Marijuana Product Manufacturer. Crumble wax and Puff Stixx are tied for first place in the contest of, best-ever weed product that can be bought in the store.
That’s a heavy statement but it’s the honest truth. I like it that good-tasting edibles of every conceivable type are now available for people who aren’t into smoking, and I love it that regular old pot is now so affordable and plentiful. There’s some great artisanal hash-making going on. It’s heady times for weed fans. But right now, it’s Storch’s products that are doing the most to raise the game for stoners in the new era, and offer users something they really couldn’t get back in the days of prohibition. It’s cannabis capitalism on a new level.
As someone who enjoys the cosmic rush of a good dab occasionally, but doesn’t want to mess with a whole separate pipe and torch and all that, the Storch Labs crumble wax is a godsend. Resembling granulated brown sugar, you can measure and sprinkle just the right amount into your pipe, on a soft bed of finely-ground flowers, and get that brain-freezing, fingers-poking-holes-in-your-lungs feeling without having to hook up any special gear. I tried both Indica and Sativa based variations. I happened to prefer the indica to the sativa in this case – though I also admit, it’s possible that the indica had the more powerful knock-you-on-the-ass effect because I used it first. That first day, it was like getting high in high school again, the kind of day where you stare at your hands for half an hour.
The crumble wax is definitely a product I recommend using while at home, after dinner has already been cooked, the animals fed, plants watered and all responsible activity for the day is through. Because once you take a powerful hit of this stuff, there’s no telling what you’re going to look down and discover yourself doing after the brain-freeze wears off. You may be elbow deep in a bucket of chicken you don’t remember purchasing. You may find that you have a new favorite TV show, the result of clicking on something you would never normally watch, only to find you can’t remember the name of it tomorrow. All of this is fine, and perfectly natural. It’s what getting stoned is supposed to be like.
Perhaps even more enticing, are the vape cartridges known as Puff Stixx. On the night I got them home, I’d come in late, burnt out from a long day’s work, and ready to hit the hay. I took just one fairly deep hit off an indica strain called Storch OG – hey if it’s the house special, we should try it, right? – before turning in for the night. I spent what seemed like the next hour in a state between waking and dreaming, watching a psychedelic light show take place beneath my eyelids, listening to a space rock soundtrack that sounded very much like the German rock legends Neu!
Now, I can’t promise that experience to everyone who uses this product. I’ve only experienced that auto-player thing once before in my life, twenty years ago, in a small town in Holland, after my first introduction to proper kief. It was as if I found the remote control to a player that lives IN MY BRAIN, decades after it fell behind the couch. I’ve lost it again, by now, of course. But it was fun while it lasted.
The next day, I pulled out all my various Puff Stixx and played a round of “spin the vape pen”, checking out the different varieties. Each cartridge is now strain specific for the discriminating customer. I know that indicas (I checked out Storch OG and Bubblegum) generally have a relaxing, appetite stimulating terpene profile, while sativas (Mango) are more creative/ energetic, and hybrids (Storch Yum Yum) combine the best of both worlds. It was hard to choose a desired state from those three, so I just tried them all, one after the other.
That combination of influences can have special results. On a normal night, if I discovered I had a half-pint of Hostess Chocolate Cupcake-flavored ice cream left in the freezer, I could probably be happy with that. But with the combination of all three strains working on me, something possessed me to take it a step further. So naturally – I had to be both creative and indulgent, and make a batch of brownies from a box of mix, and then add a layer of melted candy bars that we’d left in the car that weekend. Simply finding the ice cream was just… too easy. The indica lover in me appreciated the digestive-aid terpenes and the creativity stimulated by the sativa made it fun to mix batter and watch delicious food respond to my commands, one of life’s magical moments.
Look, I got fucked up out of my mind on these things and I will go out on a limb to say – you will too. The label on Puff Stixx promises “the highest potency THC cartridge.” While I haven’t tried them all, and without even seeing a lab-tested percentage… I’m inclined to believe it. None of the others I’ve had send me anywhere quite as far out. I’m convinced that Storch has found some Heisenberg type of guy to run his lab, because the potion is that strong.
The flavors do vary a bit from strain to strain. They’re generally mild and sweet, although you may get a hint of rubber in there as well. If you’re not using the pen provided with their starter kit, I recommend using a battery set at the lowest voltage possible for the best flavor. It’s smooth on the throat going in, to the point that you might not notice how big a hit you’re taking without counting the seconds. Our advice – count to five for a mild maintenance hit, ten for a solid blast, or fifteen for a ticket to fairyland.
I will offer one word of warning for those about to rock: daily use of high potency concentrates like these can result in diminishing returns over time. Sucking down THC in this quantity day after day will burn out your internal sensors and raise your tolerance, which gets expensive. Alternating your vape pen with some some high-quality flower on different days will keep you from getting burned out on either one. And keep the crumble wax handy for those special nights, when it will be okay, maybe even kinda cool, if everything goes sideways.
Or, fuck it, smoke it all up and go back for more like the people in hip hop videos. I ain’t gonna tell you what to do. I’ll tell you this though, the people in the hip hop videos, smoking blunts on yachts and shit, are all smoking THIS shit. This is rap-video-grade weed product. Treat yourself.
Final Rating: 50 cent out of a half dolla.
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