Photo by Mr. Ubetchakoff for the Los Angeles Beat. Used by permission. Why, what are you, a narc?
Good morning, evening and afternoon, marijuana fans, and welcome to another edition of the Cheap Thrills Bake-Off, in which two brands of competitively priced cannabis go head to head in the ultimate battle. Well it’s not really “ultimate”, meaning final, there’s sure to be more weed to choose from in the future. And it’s not so much as battle as a friendly competition. We’re talking Kim-Joy Vs Rahul in a biscuit challenge rather than Rambo or any kind of violent garbage like that. It’s all part of the never-ending search for the best cheap weed that can be found.
The criteria are pretty simple. A good bargain bud should be like a good dive bar – not only can I afford it, but it meets my needs. It feels comfortable and familiar, the kind of place where my friends would be found. I don’t need it to be fancy to have a good time, but I do want the time to be good. That’s a pretty long-winded way to say “bang for the buck”.
Qualifying for Cheap Thrill status, both of these brands can regularly be found for below the average price in California of $34 an 8th ounce. I procured mine at Herbal Pain Relief Center in Mission Hills during Happy Hour for a clean $25 each. For this challenge I selected two sativas from brands that have been known to me for a while, with the same price, similar THC content, freshly harvested, making it a fair fight. I’ll spend the day with each one individually at first, then put them against each other as the week progresses.
Let’s get high.
THE COMPETITORS
Cypress Cannabis – Sour Kosher, 22.07% THC, packaged 9/11/20
Lime – Blue Dream, 23.76% THC, packaged 9/7/20
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
From a taste and smell perspective, as soon as I open the jar and bag, respectively, I feel like I have already moved up a notch from last month’s Dime Bag vs. Pacific Stone challenge. And spent a little less. While that experience was certainly satisfactory from a getting-high perspective, let’s admit that their flavors were mild and didn’t really sing. I’m sniffing these two jars like I sip fine wines. These are singing to me, each one a little different song. Cypress is more savory, makes me think of wild mushrooms in cream sauce. Lime, befitting its namesake, is citrusy with a sweet note, but it sits atop a similarly earthy complexity. They’re both dank and delicious.
Visually, they’re quite similar. Dense buds are cured to be more crumbly than spongy. Neither one is what you would call “super frosty”, though tiny trichomes are visible on inspection. The Lime bud is a little bit stickier when pressed between the fingers.
This is going to be a good challenge.
THE EXPERIENCE
I started out with the Lime and spent three days with it exclusively. That sweet, pleasant flavor is really a nice attribute, one of the things that make a jar of potent herb that much more worthwhile.
Blue Dream is an old standby strain, known for its strength and fruity taste. A strong sativa should produce a physical sense of elevation and push the mind to wander, alternately drifting off or becoming hyperfocused as dictated by whimsy. I’d say this is delivering the goods. The body sensation is nice, a micro massage for the senses.
I would choose this weed with its whimsical sweetness and colorful, hallucinatory strain name to enjoy Kim-Joy’s Monster Meringues. But of course, they would be little blue monsters.
Opening the Cypress jar a few days later, I remain knocked out by its flavor profile, which is funkier and more “wild”. It’s a descendant of Sour Diesel and Kosher Kush, and that gassy thing becomes really prominent when ground up and lit. This is for sure the more savory and complex strain.
I think it’s acting on me more like a hybrid than a pure sativa. Their website suggests “fans of OG Kush will love this” and, sure, the aromatics and body/ mind effect are in the same ballpark. I detect a similarity to UK Cheese as well, another hybrid and an old favorite strain for its pain relief properties.
It’s a little bit more pliable than the Lime and feathers up under the fingers into a nice bowl, without requiring a grinder. And at 22%, it’s completely satisfying. I found myself relaxing nicely after dinner without becoming couch-locked too early.
This would be the weed of choice while attacking Rahul’s Ginger Caramel Cupcakes, a deeper plunge, with a surprising, exciting spice twist.
Speaking of getting baked in Britain, the savory-sweet, dinner-dessert combination of these two strains combined into a salad on the last day of their existence made me think of something that could have been served in the legendary Mountain Grill, where Hawkwind supped in between recording sessions for the album that became In The Hall Of The Mountain Grill. I’ve never been, but the sounds of the album that is named for it make me believe its food and beverage service is very fine.
THE RESULT
Once again, it’s a close call. I would say either one of these, taken home for $35 or less, would be a good bargain, a sensible choice for the cheapskate connoisseur. They both have the super-professional cure and trim, the flavor profile and appearance that announce craft cannabis principles at work. They will both get you good and high in a desirable way.
When it comes down to splitting little orange hairs, I think the rich, complex flavor experience afforded by the Cypress jar rates about half a point higher than its rival. Cypress Cannabis wins today’s bake-off.
Congratulations, Cypress, and thanks everyone for playing. We’ll see you here next time.
