BLACK PHONE
Blumhouse, the king of horror, has done it again. Black Phone is in many ways a standard kidnapped-victim-in-the-basement movie, but with a few supernatural twists. A disconnected telephone in the kidnapper’s basement allows “The Grabber’s” former victims to talk to the protagonist, giving him advice, and occasionally showing up in all their bloody, murdered, glory–which is the only gore in the entire movie. Where this movie truly excels is in giving us time to get to know the characters and get really invested in them. Kudos to the young actors for fully inhabiting their roles and making it believable. Ethan Hawke is unrecognizable, and not just because of the creepy-ass mask. His “Grabber” is understanding and friendly, like a person who knows how to talk to kids, which makes it even scarier. Especially juxtaposed with that creepy-ass mask. You will get sucked in. By the way, if a stranger ever asks you if you want to see a magic trick, run. FX and Amazon.
MENU
Wow. Just wow. This kind of hits home since I’m a food blogger. They totally burn foodies. But they also skewer critics, corporate bros, has-been actors and rich people who don’t appreciate anything anymore. As always, Anya Taylor-Joy is spellbinding. Here she stars as the single unimpressed diner at an extra-special, ultra-exclusive gourmet dinner. Ralph Fiennes is perfectly cast as the perfectionist chef who rules his restaurant with an iron fist. Things slowly start to go awry, in fact they get downright violent, and you have to wonder how far they will go in the name of a carefully orchestrated menu. You will be simultaneously humbled and horrified. HBO MAX
PALE BLUE EYE
A masterpiece of the slow burn, this period mystery has occasional gore, but is mostly quietly creepy. In 1830, renowned investigator Augustus Landor is brought in to investigate a murder, which quickly becomes a series of strange murders, at the West Point academy. As the mystery unfolds, the film allows you to have many “aha” moments as you put together the clues along with the investigator and his unlikely sidekick, Edgar Allen Poe, played by the perfectly cast Harry Melling. I have also realized I can happily watch Christian Bale do just about anything, including just standing in candlelight pondering. The cinematography is gorgeous, and this film should win the Best Costume Design Oscar, if only for the hats. There are plenty of weird plot twists that will make you and your couch-mate look at each other and scream, “Oh my God! No wayyy!” If you are that type of person. I sure am. Netflix.
PREY
Another movie in the Predator series sounds like the last thing you would want to watch, but this film is refreshingly original. A young Comanche warrior sets out to prove herself and ends up taking on the most dangerous creature imaginable. Set in 1719, we also have a band of French trappers join the fray. Props on this production for a badass woman lead and for casting Indigenous actors (See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?). The movie will have you jumping up and screaming with plenty of jump scares and shocking fight sequences. HULU
Yule Log
It’s so chilly out there, what could be nicer than cozying up to a fire? If you don’t have a fireplace, you can always relax while watching a yule log on the TV. Adult Swim provides you with about 3 minutes of crackling comfort before taking the video in a lot of different directions without warning. It’s a slasher, a mystery, and honestly, some of the most surreal shit I have seen in a long time. Your friends will repeat the catch phrases all day. AMAZON.
