Which Of These Music Festivals Would You Go To If You Had A Gun To Your Head?

There is a theoretical gun to your head. You are about to be forced to endure one of the following music festivals from beginning to end.

Here is Choice A:

from http://rocklegendscruise.com/

Headliners ZZ Top and George Thorogood and the Destroyers will be joined by John Kay and Steppenwolf, The Marshall Tucker Band, Dickey Betts & Great Southern, Foghat, Molly Hatchet, Johnny WinterThe Edgar Winter Band, The Outlaws, Artimus Pyle, Blackfoot, Pat Travers, Devon Allman’s Honeytribe, SwampDaWamp, The Chris Hicks Band, Preacher Stone, Ryan Balthrop, Whiskey Myers, and Crossfyre with each playing multiple sets in an array of ship board venues. Fans will have an unprecedented opportunity to rock the waves while rocking out to their favorite bands on a 4 night cruise to CocoCay private beach island and Nassau, Bahamas!

Almost as long as four football fields and 18 decks, the fabulous Liberty of the Seas is one of the largest ships sailing today offering multiple music and entertainment venues, an array of restaurants and dining outlets, full sized volleyball and basketball courts, a boxing ring and even a FlowRider wave generator enabling guests to surf the sea while cruising above the ocean!

While a four-day cruise to Nassau sounds nice, you will be forced to stay in your windowless room when the bands aren’t playing, and eat food from the vending machine. While some of these bands aren’t bad, and a few others are pretty good, keep in mind almost none of them have any significant original members left – how can Foghat do gigs without Dave Peverett? They should call it Fauxghat. And how bad can Dickey Betts have gotten if they kicked him out of the Allmann Bros?

No drugs or alcohol are allowed on the ship, you have to watch Southern Rock boogie jam bands sober. But worse, you have to sit through Fauxghat and Blackfoot – if only Point Blank were on the bill that would be a perfect recreation of the worst big concert I ever went to.

But… let’s see how you like that compared to… Choice B! (Cue evil laughter.)

From the Examiner

KROQ just announced the lineup to this year’s Epicenter festival.

Set for Saturday, September 24th at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Irvine, “Southern California’s Rock Festival” as it is known will be headlined by Limp Bizkit. The rest of the lineup, from top to bottom: Staind, Papa Roach, Five Finger Death Punch, Buckcherry, Chevelle, Puddle of Mudd, Skillet, P.O.D., Asking Alexandria, Redlight King, Middle Class Rut and Drive A.

This will mark Limp Bizkit’s first Southern California performance in over a decade, according to the radio ad for the festival, which you can hear on Epicenter’s official website. The rap-rock band is gearing up for the release of its upcoming album, Gold Cobra.

It will be over in about twelve hours… the most painful twelve hours of your life. It’s that or locked in a floating room for four days, eating salt peanuts and candy bars. And instead of getting to see ZZ Top, I’m going have you brought to a special after-hours lounge where Molly Hatchet will be doing doing a two and a half hour set.

You have thirty seconds to make your choice.

Limp Bizkit pic by Benzpics63 via Flickr. George Thorogood pic by streamingmeemee (Tim Carter) via Flickr.

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4 Responses to Which Of These Music Festivals Would You Go To If You Had A Gun To Your Head?

  1. The Bahamas because it has both Johnny Winter and Edgar Winters, and I could always jump ship!

  2. Gah! Rock Legends Cruise, alcohol or no alcohol!

  3. Lori Nyx Lori Nyx says:


  4. Paris the third says:

    All I know is that Epic center festival’s line-up couldn’t get any worse. Well maybe if they added nickleback. Total Butt Fest! Talk about drowning in a sea of deuch bags! I hate to say it(cause I’m not gay/but gay friendly!) whatever that tranny fest is about, would probably the most amusing, an enjoyable.

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