Here we go again. Just when summer starts revving up, it comes screeching to a cruel stop when school bells ring. Summer is not even over! Neither is the summer heat, but despite the lack of oxygen, one must suddenly face musty classrooms, freaky teachers, smelly classmates, snarled parking lots, and hard chairs with stale gum stuck to them.
Sure, school can have its good points, but my mind is too limp and lazy to list them. Instead, the Candy Wrapper Museum presents to you a guide to going back to school “candy style.”
First, what is learning without “brain food”? There’s never a better time to justify the mass consumption of take-out and delivery meals, so keep those phone numbers handy.
Program those vital numbers into your cell phone. And remember: never leave home without your portable music device. But be sure to have the latest gear… people might think you’re a little weird if the last song you downloaded is by Deep Purple.
School can be very demanding, so be sure to have plenty of this (or similar) on hand so that you’re ready to go the extra mile when it really counts…
…when you’re cramming late at night on this.
It can be hard to negotiate a new campus and find your classrooms. However, one thing you can always easily find around any corner is one or more of these.
Try not to bump into them because they’ll be chasing after these.
Most poor suckers won’t stand a chance unless they have access to this little item from Mom and Dad.
If they don’t, they will most likely be spending more time cuddled up with this…
But, hey, school is about learning and expanding one’s mind—not about parties and dates, and all that “superficial” stuff. You can always get your true friends together for an inspiring night of role-playing games…
…with adventure around every dark corner and down every crooked stair.
In closing, yes, school may be a royal pain at times, but always remember: going through life without an enriched mind is simply…
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