Not Another Candlelit Dinner! Try Something Different this Valentine’s Day!

Had enough of overpriced, predictable “romantic” dinners? Break out of your rut with these exciting Valentine’s Day Activities!

CHECK OUT MEXICAN MASKED WRESTLING AND BURLESQUE

2-/14 & 2/15   8 p.m.    $35 – $55

Los Angeles’ wildest variety show is back with their annual Valentine’s spectacular! Lucha VaVOOM brings together Mexican Masked Wrestling, Burlesque and Comedy at the gorgeous Mayan Theater in DTLA. Wednesday, Feb. 14, 2018 and Thursday, Feb. 15, 2018, you can look forward to “a huge helping of love, romance and hot lucha action … a perfect date night or place to meet that special someone.”

The show “Ooh La La Lucha!!!” stars special guest commentator Ron Funches (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Black•ish, New Girl, Undateable) and a host of incredible talent from the Lucha and performance world. Lucha superstar Rey Fénix from Mexico, LV crowd favorite luchadora Dama Fina, sleazy Joey Ryan (creator of the “Penis Plex”), and Tijuana’s flamboyant gender-bending exótico Ruby Gardeña will be there to amaze and delight. Dancers include Chicago’s burlesque superstar Michelle L’Amour, devastating dancer and fire performer Erica Snap, and the incredible aerialist Kate Winwegan).

Doors for this 21+ event open at 7 p.m.  and the show goes from 8 – 11 p.m. Tickets are on sale now at $35.00 for general admission tickets (includes balcony and mezzanine seats) and $55.00 for ringside seating. For tickets and more info, visit the website.

DO THE DOWNWARD DOG WITH A TINY GOAT ON YOUR BACK

2/14   10:15 AM

Goat yoga? Of course. Do I even have to explain? I will let The Archworks Studio and Classroom in Larchmont explain.”Bring someone you love to partner yoga with baby goats taught by certified instructor, Beverly O’ Donohue. Baby Nigerian Dwarf Goats, Billy & Burlap will open your hearts and widen your smiles. Sign up for your most memorable Valentine’s ever.” I wonder if they will let me just lie on my stomach and giggle as goats jump over me. If your partner is a dude without a man-bun, you might owe him one after this, like maybe the Mexican wrestling and burlesque. Not that activities are gendered or anything.

GET BLOODY WITH HAUNTED GARAGE

2/10   8:30 p.m.    $10

LA’s Gore-Rock heroes, Haunted Garage, will be getting gory at Cafe NELA in Highland Park. The friendly neighborhood bar for punkers and normies alike serves wine and beer and here is a good taco truck a block down if you would like to wine and dine your valentine. Just stay out of the splash zone, because something tells me lead singer Dukey Flyswatter won’t be able to resist a riff on hearts that might put you right off your tacos. Haunted Garage will be joined by Noir Vulpes, the Memphis Vampires, and Master Cylinder.

21+

GET WILD, TIGER! FOREVER WILD SANCTUARY OFFERS “EXTREME FEEDING!”

2/10   10 a.m. – 5 p.m.   $5

Some things are worth a trip out to San Bernadino County. This is one of them. Did I mention extreme feeding? The Forever Wild Sanctuary in Phelan, California is not a zoo and it is not a roadside attraction. It is a chance to see big cats in an environment where they are nurtured and cared for. And fed. Extremely. Like tigers. Raw meat. Seriously! Saturday, Feb. 10, 2018, celebrate the Very Wild Valentine’s Day fundraiser from 10 AM until 5 p.m. Extreme Feeds are only $10 and stop at 3 p.m. Check out the vendors (Including Girl Scout Cookies!), get your face painted (Do not get your face painted to look like a steak), make valentines for the four-legged residents, and win raffle prizes.

All ages welcome. 100% non profit.  8545 Buttemere Rd, Phelan, California 92371. For more info visit the Forever Wild Sanctuary or call (760) 868-2755.

ACCEPT THE LOVE THAT PUPPETS OFFER SO FREELY

2/18   7 p.m.   $15

The whole gang returns to the Bob Baker Marionette Theater. “Back from their glorious victory at SF Sketchfest, the San Francisco Comedy Festival, the Bob Baker gang are stayin’ put at the very place WHERE puppets are your only friends. Prepare yourself for the When Puppets Are Your Only Friends (WPAYOF) Valentine’s Day Spectacular! The show stars Eliza Skinner (Comedy!), Ron Lynch (Prestige! SORCERY!), Pam Severns (Puppets!) Kaycee Krieg (Variety!), and live music from Duk! Beer! Mixed Drinks! Dancing! Prizes! Heartbreak! Candy!

Reception is at 7 p.m. and the show starts at 8 p.m.

BELIEVE WE ARE MAGIC. YOU HAVE TO.

2/14   8 p.m.   $60

Burbank’s own cabinet of curiosities, The Mystic Museum, presents a Valentines Day Magic Soirée & Cocktail Party. This cool little storefront has previously featured art events like a Twin Peaks show. “Magician Michael Rangel stars in “Luminar”, an interactive magical journey. Combining elegant close-up illusion, mysticism, and storytelling he will open your mind, heart, and soul to the magic that surrounds us every day, and the magic and power inside of us all.”

The dress code is semi-formal/cocktail. No refunds. For $60 bucks, I imagine some very nice cocktails and nibbles will be included. Getcher tickets here!

ADOPT THE FURRY LITTLE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!

2/14   6 p.m.   FREE

You may have seen Jackson Galaxy’s makeover of Echo Park’s cat rescue, Sante, D’Or, on “My Cat from Hell.” The staff would like to celebrate their friends, adopters, volunteers and fosters. Adoption is not required, but I have a hard time walking out of any place without a cat.

GET MORTIFIED ONSTAGE!

02/10   9 p.m. & 11 p.m.   $20 – $30

If you have never seen the show, “Mortified,” you should check it out on YouTube. Average people, just like me and you, read their diaries, rejection letters, heartsick poems and other humiliating residue from their emotional pasts for the enjoyment and edification of a sympathetic audience.

Mortified’s Annual Doomed Valentine Show will return to Wonderlust on Saturday, Feb. 10, 2018, with two showings. The first will be from 6 p.m. until 8 p.m., and the second show will be from 9 p.m. until 11 p.m. It is ROMANCE-THEMED, so you know it’s going to be excruciating! Experience a night of food, drink, diaries, teenage heartbreak and laughter.

ENJOY A TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL AT THE LA ZOO, GET EXCLUSIVE PHOTO OP

02/14   2 for $21   10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Sorry, I couldn’t think of a clever title. For Valentine’s Day, the zoo will be offering 2 for 1 tickets, ’cause dates love it when you use coupons and stuff. No, seriously, anyone would be charmed by a day checking out koalas and meerkats. Ride the romantic merry-go-round. Then seal the deal by buying them a cute fuzzy stuffed animal at the gift shop. To get the discount, use code LAZOOLOVE.

PLAY THE PONIES!

2/11 & 2/18   $70

Come enjoy the beauty and splendor that is the Santa Anita Racetrack. Together, you and your special someone can cheer for your favorite horse, just like in My Fair Lady. The package includes clubhouse admission, a glass of champagne or beer, a race program, a mini flower arrangement, and access to the Turf Terrace all day. Lunch options will include a Tropical Seafood Ceviche, Grilled Beef Tenderloin, and a Belgian Chocolate Cheesecake.

Luckily, for those of you who will forget about Valentine’s Day, there will be a second celebration on Feb. 18, 2018, so you can placate your angry spouse with promises of future gambling and cheesecake. $70 per adult, $35 for kids. For parties of 2 – 6 people only.

GET DARK WITH MURDER BALLADS AND THE MUSIC OF NICK CAVE

2/14   9 p.m.

For those of you who love a good DJ set, Aaron N. Montaigne and Ennio Maricon ( Luis Peres ) will be playing everything from “Birthday Party, Einsturzende Neubauten, Gallon Drunk, The Pogues, PJ Harvey, The Tindersticks, The Gun Club to Kylie Minogue.” The party is at the appropriately titled “Lash.” The dress code demands your “finest, most elegant wares for this Valentines Day, you will get laid.” (Disclaimer: Neither the Los Angeles Beat or any of its subsidiaries guarantee that you will get laid.)

MAKE A LASTING COMMITMENT—LIKE FOR-EV-ER

2/10   7 p.m.

There is no truer sign of devotion than getting a tattoo for that special someone. But don’t worry, you can get your tarot cards read first so you will know you’re going to be together forever before you make your final decision.

Saturday, Feb. 10, 2018, between 7 p.m. and Midnite, Sucio’s Ink Tattoo Parlor on Vermont, they will be offering an exciting combo—tarot readings from special guest, Savannah Rae Linz, while you make a lasting tribute to that special someone. Personally, I advise getting something symbolic, like, “Look, it’s a bee, because I always call you honey!” Then you can always tell your next chick, not at all defensively, “So? I like buttercups! A man can’t like flowers?”

GET IREE AT LOVER’S ROCK IN GRAND PARK

2/14   6 p.m. – 10 p.m.   FREE

Grand Park is offering a free concert with Lover’s Rock, an American Soul-influenced Reggae music subgenre. Relax under the stars listening to DJs Danny Holloway and DJ Phersone spinning laid-back reggae. Bring your own picnic or try something from one of the participating food trucks that will be selling desserts and other treats. There will also be a photo booth and whatever an “olive court” is. Park furniture is available on a first come, first served basis.

COMMEMORATE THE ST. VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE WITH SPLOOSHING

2/17   8 p.m.   $22 – $125

Take a trip back to the Prohibition Era at the unmarked 1720 Club nestled beneath the freeway overpasses. There are 4 bars and an area to hang outside for those of you vaping in your cool nostalgic cigarette holders. Entertainment will be provided by Dave Stuckey & The Hot House Gang, Dance Exhibitions, and DJ Little Red AKA Whitton Frank. There will also be Vintage Photo Ops and prohibition-inspired cocktails. But that’s not the cool part. The cool part is the re-enactment of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre by a group of dedicated actors. Don’t warn your date beforehand, to make it really exciting. Then the party turns into a slapstick-era pie fight. (Ohhh, that’s the splooshing part. Yes.) There will be safe zones for wimps and those avoiding dairy—or shaving cream. I don’t know what the hell they put in their pies. Expect the unexpected. There are a variety of packages with names like Cupid’s Arrow. Getcher tickets here.

TAKE A TRIP DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

2/14   6 p.m.   $25

Clifton’s Cafe downtown has re-invented itself as an event space. With four themed floors, like the Gothic, Tree Tops and Pacific Seas—and each with its own bar, so you’ll never get bored. The theme of this year’s Sweetheart Soiree is Alice in Wonderland. Expect “decadent desserts, celebrated performing eccentriques and astonishing surprises! Mysterious vials of shape-shifting curiosity and 4 levels of sights tantalize the senses! Dinner, drinks or mere adventures available within.”

Desserts are included, cocktails and food are available for purchase. Getcher tickets here.

If you must go out to dinner, make it exciting!

Check out Top Chef Bruce Kalman at Union

Eat elk at SADDLEPEAK LODGE

 

 

 

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Elise Thompson

About Elise Thompson

Born and raised in the great city of Los Angeles, this food, culture and music-loving punk rock angeleno wants to turn you on to all that is funky, delicious and weird in the city. While Elise holds down the fort, her adventurous alter ego Kiki Maraschino is known to roam the country in search of catfish.
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