I blame the poop emoji. It made all of the toy manufacturers and retailers realize that kids LOVE gross stuff! Here is a small sampling of the toys that has been befouling my Amazon feed this week:
FLUSHIN’ FRENZY GAME–POP THE POOP! (TOILET INCLUDED)
(Shown above) The object of this game is to use the plunger in the toilet to make a poop fly out, and I guess whoever catches the poop is the winner? It’s an educational game to train future plumbers for America, or maybe to get your kid to pick up the dog poop in the back yard. Master poop catcher will definitely look good on your resume under “Other Skills” next to “Fluent in Japanese” and “Trained in Microsoft Excel.”
This game comes with a poop-like compound that you randomly drop on the included mat. Your family member or friend must walk the mat blindfolded, trying not to step in the poop! Oh, you can also play the game SOLO. I would worry about that kid. There is a much cheaper way to play this game, like we had to do as kids before poopy bags became a thing.
PIMPLE PETE GAME Presented by Dr. Pimple Popper, Explosive Family Game for Kids Age 5 and Up
Need a little break from the poop? How about some pus play? The object of this game is to pop as many pimples as you can without popping the Mega-zit. It seems counter-intuitive to me, as it seems like destroying the Mega-zit would be the objective. Sure to make your pubescent child run into their room crying, convinced that you are all mocking her.
WHO TOOTED? THE UMMM FART GAME FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY
This game involves each player hitting a button in front of them until it emits a fart noise. I don’t know if it also emits a smell. Let that be a joyous surprise. Then their button lights up. That’s about all I understand, but the comments indicate that this is all that is needed to drive kids into fits of hysterical laughter.
This one is advertised as a STEM game. I think they might be pushing it just a little. Players take turns sticking their fingers up Louie’s nose to extract a booger. When someone picks the wrong one, “Louie’s eyes pop, he flips his lid, and his brains fly out!” It is reported to help develop fine motor skills. Excellent defense if you ever get caught picking your nose. But of course you won’t be picking your nose because this game teaches you that if you do, your fucking brains will pop out!
PULL MY FINGER: THE FARTING MONKEY GAME
Is it just me, or does this monkey look exactly like Stev-o from Jackass? I wonder if they have to pay him royalties? Every time a player pulls Steve-os finger, the plastic butt inflates. When it is too big, it lets loose the air in a big fart. Other than the finger, this is actually more or less physiologically accurate. This, I would qualify as a STEM toy.
Take turns flushing the toilet and hope you aren’t the one to get sprayed with water from the toilet bowl! What could go wrong? Maybe this reminder will give you an idea: To Avoid Injury – Use only clean tap water. How long will it take until your older brother fills the game with real toilet water? If you don’t think that such a thing (or infinitely worse things) could happen, you are clearly an only child.
THESHY FISHING GAME FOR KIDS, MARINE BIOLOGICAL COGNITIVE FISHING FOR FLOATERS POOP TOYS
Marine Biological? Cognitive development my ass! This is a traditional fishing game, except you are fishing for poop. So OK, maybe it does help with eye-hand coordination, but I’m not sure how it fosters logic. You can put the poops in your child’s bath, but you know at some point these things are going in the toilet for real. I guess that’s logic. Poops go in the toilet, so these go in the toilet. I guess it’s better than learning that poops go in the bathtub.
IDENTITY GAMES POOPYHEAD CARD GAME – THE GAME WHERE NUMBER 2 ALWAYS WINS!
This is a card game. It looks like whoever gets rid of all of their cards first wins. It’s not really clear. But it really ups the ante by making you wear poop on your head. The game is advertised as “Butt-loads of laughs for family and friends.” I guess becoming a parent means surrendering all dignity. Go ahead. Embrace the poop. It is your life now.
This is just a small sampling of the disgusting games on the market right now. Seriously. But neither you nor I have the time. If you want more, search for Doggy Doo, Playmonster Stinky Pig, Gas Out Game, Pass the Gas Game, Pile Driver Remote Control Poop Car With Spinning and Farting Action, Play-Doh Poop Troop Set, and Breaking Games: Poop The Game, WARNING: If you run into a German site while searching poop games, DO NOT click on it.