High and Dry – Joan Jett / Poison / Def Leppard / Motley Crue at SoFi, August 27, 2022

High and Dry. Guess that’s the best way to recap the Joan Jett / Poison / Def Leppard / Motley Crue concert at SoFi Stadium. You can bring in a small sealed water bottle, and I did. And I got another small water bottle when getting tacos. Two small water bottles in nine and a half hours, because I didn’t want to miss anything while in the bathroom line. However, the edible I took kicked in real nicely.

I was so very lucky a generous friend gave me her concert tickets after my weekend plans were cancelled and was rather excited to see SoFi stadium. Seats 70,000 for concerts and 100,000 for sports. It is MASSIVE and like most colossal venues throughout time, it was built on the blood of the less fortunate. In this case off of student loan debt. Took my trusty concert buddy Su, because friends who protest and have worked on the front lines of women’s health together make excellent concert buddies. Plus, she rocks and had been to SoFi for BTS and had parking all figured out. SoFi definitely offers the full giant stadium concert experience and this tour was supposed to open it 2 years ago. But like many things it was postponed by COVID. An unlucky break for Vince Neil because I’m guessing that delayed payday is what required him to make the rather epic commercial for Dollar Loan Center. )

We arrived at our seats in time for Joan Jett. As we waited for her to go on, I texted my husband that I had made it and then got a notification from Amazon that a package arrived and quickly texted him that the shredder was here. Hmm… “The shredder is here,” kinda vague considering. Clarified that the paper shredder we ordered had been delivered.

Anyway – Joan Jett was amazing and should have been the headliner. I’ve seen her many times and she rocks WAY harder than almost anyone. So nothing I can say about her except, why the hell does she let Kenny Laguna on stage? He was “playing” keyboards or as Joan snarked in her fabulous accent, “ya, we wrote some ‘real great’ keyboard parts for him” and he also occasionally hit a cowbell. But at one point a child came from the side of the stage to greet him and he stopped his two-finger noodling on the keyboard and you couldn’t tell. Another child joined him and the three of them just danced. Whoever put that camera on him during these moments, you pretty much rule.

Next was Poison. All I can say is, when did C.C. get sober?!? He even played “Eruption” and it really got to me. The rest was just silly fun, dancing in your seat, what you’d expect. Although I couldn’t get too joyful because my heart still yearns for “Rock Of Love” to come back. PLEASE!!!! BRING BACK THE SLUTS!

Def Leppard was one of my FAVORITE bands as a teen. So when they got banned from El Paso ruining any chances of seeing them with Steve Clarke or at an affordable price, my heart was broken. I loved their first three albums so much that I almost wore them out. Seeing them was 39 years in the making and they were so awesome! I was kinda stunned when they came on. So I just stared at them in disbelief. Overall they were completely pro. And my only complaints would be, play more early stuff. I played “Rock Brigade” over and over so many times as a teen you can physically see where I wore out the vinyl. They had shirts at merch that said “Rock Brigade” for sale. But did they play it? No. No, they did not. So did I buy the official Def Leppard “Rock Brigade” shirt? No, no I did not. But did I buy the sweetest bootleg tee in the parking lot for $20? No, I bought 2 for $30 and send the other one to a teenage niece. (She’s gonna treasure that shirt forever!!)

And then there was Motley Crue. RETIRE ALREADY for REALS! I saw them in the 80s – sucked so bad, I didn’t even buy a shirt. Saw them much later on at the Palladium, sucked so hard it was unbelievable. So I can say that they sucked the least this time. Guess they finally got playing to tracks down, except Tommy. Damn he was limping along on some songs, and I know he broke some ribs, but it was kinda sad. Vince Neil looks and sounds like Sam Kinison but without the talent. At one point I swear he just gave up and was singing “Too FAT for Love” and it was just painful. Even the very drunk audience was bailing and our section was nearly empty. Earlier in the day I had seen a woman wearing a shirt that said “It’s a great day for a motherfucking bender” and I can say that most people there agreed with her. I still had fun, I pulled out my lucky lighter from a “Kum & Go” in Colorado to hold up for “Home Sweet Home” and survived the massive smoke machines that flooded my area for “In The Beginning.” Gotta tell you, keeping a mask on you can be petty damn handy. At least Crue is smart enough to have several beautiful women to put the cameras on so you can’t see how hard they are struggling.

Everyone took time to talk to the audience, except Mick Mars. That poor guy, please stop wheeling him out “Weekend at Bernie’s” style. Tommy pulled a dachshund out of his pants after sharing a story about how he was on some fabulous rock star vacation which we all can really relate to *cough* and how he got shit-faced and posted his penis on instagram while pleading with the crowd to show him tits. Oh my. And FYI the tits certainly weren’t flying as free at they were in the eighties. I wore a Motley Crue shirt that was made by their manager and given to my husband during an interview before they were signed. That shirt looks pretty handmade and from what I’m told it represents when they were good live. Hell, even Nikki has said they started going downhill on side 2 of Shout At The Devil.

The content on the screens for Crue and Leppard was really incredible. But also rather sad to see their much younger selves behind them. Like any great stadium, the gladiators of the past have met their doom long ago yet here their shadows are still walking around with their hands out for the price of a ticket and the service fee and with a dachshund in their pants.

Overall, I had a blast as a big stadium rock show should be. But I’m pretty sure Rammstein is going to destroy all those bands when I see them next month. Except for Joan Jett, Joan Jett rules.