NSFW: Key by Jopen – Vela Massager

Two words:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6v_LAm2X7E

But I’m not in an amusement park with KISS. It’s this: JO-8055-00-3
The Key Vela Massager.  Now, now, you say, like I did, when  I opened the box. Another vibrator? It’s big! What’s the big (yes) deal?

Here’s the specs:

  • 4.75″ x 1.75″ / 12cm x 4.5cm
  • 7 intense patterns
  • Strong and powerful oscillating vibrations
  • Soft and luxurious, body safe silicone
  • Ergonomic glass-like effect designer controller
  • Waterproof
  • Hold for 3 seconds to turn off anytime
  • Stainless alloy, easy push button
  • Soft luxury lint free storage bag included
  • Whisper quiet
  • Uses 4 AAA batteries, not included
  • One Year Warranty

Warranty! Yes! For real. But the silicone-smoothiness of this really gets me. I hate sex toys that look like disembodied body parts. They really turn me off. This is as classy as it gets. A lint-free storage bag? Yes.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you what happened with this baby. We were ho-humming along, checking out the various speeds and having a jolly good time when BANG!

Yes…BANG! Not it. Me. I went…”Oh my god.” This baby will take you from zero to ten in about ten seconds flat if you don’t slow down. And it will keep you there. It may be “whisper quiet,” but you won’t be.

JO-8055-00-3_1
And that is how the multi-orgasmic yours truly spent one lazy Sunday afternoon. If you are not a multi, this will help you. You owe it to yourself. 

Red Velvet

About Red Velvet

Red Velvet walks on the wild side.
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